A little background to explain the following transcript.
On Sunday, July 29th, 2001, Steve led a motorcycle ride in the Deluz Canyon area just North of Fallbrook. There were six bikes in our group and he took everyone down a number of back roads including Daily road. Suddenly a group of five dogs, including two pit bulls, surrounded his bike and he was partially bitten by one of the pit bulls. Everyone else escaped without injury and Animal Control was contacted. A hearing was held a month later.
The following is a transcript for the hearing as improvised by Jeff Bender.
P.S. Steve has been given the nickname "Milk Bone".
9/6/2001 0900 hours
[Bailiff Spaniel] All rise for the honorable Judge Sparky!
[Judge Sparky] You may be seated. I have read your complaints, you have been sworn to tell the truth. The plaintiff will call his first witness.
[Mr. Malott] I call myself.
[Judge Sparky] Doesn't that tie up your phone?
[Mr. Malott] ?????
[Judge Sparky] Sorry.....just a little courtroom humor to ease the tension he he. Proceed with your story Mr. Malott.
[Mr. Malott] I was traveling down Daily Road at a very slow pace. Mr. Poulsen's pack of wild animals converged upon me and my motorcyle. I came to a stop, offering myself as fodder in an effort to save my friends from becoming dog-chow. It had been a very fun ride until this point. Lots of good twisties, and some nice slow curves. It was pretty windy at the top of the mountain, and of course you have to watch out for the potholes and uncontrolled intersection near the bottom.....
[Judge Sparky] Please stick to the event in question Mr. Malott.
[Mr. Malott] Sorry your Honor. Anyway, most of the dogs were just growling and hopping around the bike, but one mangy critter decided he wanted a Levi sandwich, heavy on the Malott. He bit clean through my jeans, and buried his choppers in my calf.
[Judge Sparky] Do you see this mangy critter in the courtroom?
[Mr. Malott] Yes your Honor. Sitting right over there next to the defendant....the one with the bloodstained jowls and piece of denim stuck between his front teeth.
[Judge Sparky] The record will show that Mr. Malott is pointing to Mr. Poulsen's dog, known as Spike. Is that all Mr. Malott?
[Mr. Malott] Yes your Honor, thank you.
[Judge Sparky] The defendant will now call his first witness.
[Mr. Poulsen] The defense calls Spike. C'mere Spike! No over here. Up in this chair Spike! That's a good boy!
[Judge Sparky] Please stop chewing on the wood rail Spike.
[Mr. Poulsen] Spike, have you ever seen the plaintiff before today?
[Mr. Poulsen] ah no? So you deny that you attacked and bit this gentlemen?
[Spike] Arf. ARF ARF! Aaaarfff. Grrrr......
[Mr. Malott] Objection your Honor! The defendant is obviously leading the witness! I believe the witness was coached prior to this testimony.
[Judge Sparky] Mr. Poulsen, did you coach your witness prior to this trial?
[Mr. Poulsen] No sir! No no no no no! Uh-uh! No way!!
[Judge Sparky] Spike, are you telling us the whole truth here today?
[Spike] Arf! Arf arf arf arf arf! ruff!
[Judge Sparky] Arf arf? grr ruff arf bark?
[Judge Sparky] Objection overruled! Mr. Malott..do you have any questions?
[Mr. Malott] Just one your Honor. Can you go to the coffee shop in San Marcos early Wednesday evening and save us all a fire ring?
[Judge Sparky] ???????
[Mr. Malott] Sorry your Honor, just a little defendant humor to break the tension hehe.
[Judge Sparky] Mr. Malott exactly what punishment are you seeking towards the defendant and his dog Spike? Are you seeking the death penalty?
[Mr. Malott] That is a decision for the court to make your Honor. I am not out for vengeance. Perhaps the dog should be kept on the property, and not allowed into the street unless on a leash. A muzzle might be a good idea also. And pull all of his teeth. Hmmm....perhaps Mr. Poulsen should be given a fine, or placed on probation. And I feel he should do community service. Like washing motorcycles in the parking lot of the Hideout on weekends while wearing a T-shirt that says "Harleys Suck".
[Judge Sparky] I will take it under advisement. You will have my decision in a few weeks. Please be patient Mr. Malott. And Spike...try to control yourself for awhile. Mom always said you'd get yourself into trouble someday.
End of Record